Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Theory on what could make re-makes horrible.

     The subject of re-makes for horror have been touched on here before and it really is pretty much up to the viewer whether or not to give it a thumbs up or thumbs down.  In writing about them in the Evil Dead re-make review two films were mentioned.  The reboots, re-telling, or re-makes of A Nightmare on Elm St. and Friday the 13th, I watched them both in pieces and never cared for either but I decided to give them an entire sitting this past weekend since they were part of AMC's Fearfest and I found the common denominator that can make a re-make suck...Michael Bay.

I know in general, horror film characters that are to be the victims are pretty dumb.  Somehow, in these re-makes they are made out to be really dumb, annoying, spoiled bratty kids that get excited over drops of alcohol and anything weed related. They were both produced by Bay which made me wonder, does Michael Bay think we're dumb?  So I Googled it "Michael Bay thinks we're stupid", and found, yes...yes he does think just that. He thinks we'll be satisfied by things that I suppose satisfy him, like Megan Fox jumping on a trampoline for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film he's ruining...I mean, been working on to add to his list of "ruining my childhood" films.  Not only does he have actors recite the plot over and over again because he thinks the audience won't get it, but his vision of kids having fun is like a late night Cinemax film plot that goes wrong.  I know he did not direct the Friday the 13th re-make but please tell me I missed something in the end.  When, Jason's body gets dumped in the lake his mask falls off but when he jumps through the plank his mask is back on?  It was on AMC so did it get cut out or something?

Those are two re-makes I'd like to forget, I feel bad for Jackie Earle Haley saying that because he's a great actor and played his part well but I never fault the players for a bad film.  It's the story that can make or break something we watch in my opinion.  I do know to just avoid things with his name on them but somehow he sneaks it in when I'm already watching and then its too late.

I did not like any of these horror re-makes and he is associated with all of them on some level:

  • Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
  • Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
  • Amityville Horror (2005)
  • The Hitcher (2007)
  • Friday the 13th (2009)
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)